When you negotiate for a car or house, are you ready to walk away if the seller is unwilling to accept your offer?

While this might work when negotiating for tangible objects, it may not work as well dealing with intangible relationships.

As a customer, vendor or employee, being on the receiving end of an ultimatum means there is no room to negotiate.  If you want a relationship to last, stay away from ultimatums.

Ultimatums create resentment

When a person agrees to do something under the pressure of an ultimatum, they eventually realize they have been tricked or pressured to do something they didn’t want to do.

Ultimatums are counterproductive

Being confrontational when delivering an ultimatum creates resentment and resistance from the recipient.  It leaves two options: comply with the demand and be resentful or refuse and suffer the consequences.

Ultimatums create negativity

They create a toxic environment where people are waiting for the other shoe to fall.  If you create too much negativity, people will not want to be around you.

We aspire to relationships with positive energy.  Instead of issuing ultimatums, find a conclusion that will create a win-win result.  Compromise allows everyone to get part of what they want.  This allows for the opportunity to revisit the issue in the future.  It eliminates resentment and creates relationships that possess long-lasting promise.

The best way to avoid ultimatums is for each party, from the onset, to be clear about their values, goals and intentions.

However, even the best planning doesn’t prevent a situation that is untenable to one of the parties.  When that happens, deliver the ultimatum in a compassionate and non-coercive manner.  Instead of forcing the other party into a corner, highlight the options and freedom that comes from parting ways.